Nowhere Band News

I seem to be the only person in the continent who likes the Jack White/Alicia Keys theme song to Quantum of Solace.  I don’t think it’s one of the tip-top great Bond themes, but it’s way above average. Here’s my sort-of-orderly ranking of the Bond themes, with the caveat that I haven’t heard most of the Brosnan-era ones in like a decade:

THE GREATS

“Live and Let Die,” Wings.  To be honest, I like this better than most of the McCartney-sung Beatles songs.  Cranking it on the car stereo makes my Kia feel like an Aston Martin.

“Goldfinger,” Shirley Bassey. Rules because of the combination of the over-the-top horns and Bassey’s belting-it-out-for-all-she’s-worth delivery.  The lyrics are kind of hilarious in that they seem to be about a different movie, but hey, that seems to be part of the game.

“The James Bond Theme,” John Barry. You know, the usual horns-and-electric guitar combo. This one actually works a lot better as standalone music than I thought it would; it moves through a bunch of distinct segments (which often get chopped up and used as background music in Bond movies), including this crazy free-jazz chunk that I had no idea was hiding in there.

THE REALLY, REALLY GOODS

“Nobody Does It Better,” Carly Simon. I hate Carly Simon, but I love this song. I also usually hate string arrangements like the ones used here, but they really make the song.

“Another Way to Die,” Jack White and Alicia Keys. So yeah, everybody hates it. I’ve noticed that when people explain why they don’t like it, it’s usually that they don’t think there’s enough Alicia Keys. I don’t know a damned thing about Alicia Keys, so that’s not a problem for me. I run hot and cold on Jack White overall; the stuff of his that I like usually involves simple, intensely rocking guitar parts arranged with a lot of space around them. And that’s pretty much what this tune is, so there you go.

“You Only Live Twice,” Nancy Sinatra. I love the curlicued line that the strings and weirdly-toned guitar trade back and forth. I also really like Nancy Sinatra’s voice. In fact, I had this weird realization a while ago that I’m an all-around Nancy Sinatra fan. I never would’ve expected that…

“A View to a Kill,” Duran Duran. Borderline; could also have been a high OK. But it rocks reasonably well, and hey, it pissed off Pat Robertson.

OK, NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF

“Thunderball,” Tom Jones.

“For Your Eyes Only,” Sheena Easton. They were pretty clearly trying to catch the “Nobody Does It Better” magic again, but their reach exceeded their grasp, or however that goes.

“GoldenEye,” Tina Turner. Not that great a song, but not bad. It gets an unfair boost because it played over what I think was the last great Bond title sequence, wherein a bunch of hot chicks with sledgehammers knocked down statues of Lenin.

FUCK THESE

“All Time High,” Rita Coolidge. What, you don’t remember this one? This would be the theme to Octopussy. Shitty song (running over a shitty title sequence; it looks like someone ignoring a naked woman to play laser-pointer with their cat), shitty movie.

“You Know My Name,” Chris Cornell. Everything else about Casino Royale was great, but the theme song and title sequence were all kinds of ass.

“The Living Daylights,” A-ha. The most infamously bad one.

DIDN’T LEAVE MUCH IMPRESSION, OR JUST DON’T REMEMBER

“We Have All the Time in the World,” Louis Armstrong. Really? Louis Armstrong?!? I don’t remember that at all.  I’m going to need to go back and watch On Her Majesty’s Secret Service again.

“Diamonds Are Forever,” “Moonraker,” Shirley Bassey. Huh. I forgot she did “Moonraker, too.” For my money, “Goldfinger” casts too tall a shadow for the rest of Bassey’s songs to escape.

“The Man with the Golden Gun,” Lulu. Sure, whatever.

“License to Kill,” Gladys Knight. Sure, whatever.

“Tomorrow Never Dies,” Sheryl Crow; “The World Is Not Enough,” Garbage; “Die Another Day,” Madonna. No clear memory of any of these; I don’t think too much about the Brosnan era, anyway. I do think it’s safe to guess I’d hate the Madonna song if I gave it another listen.